The Uber Rating

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The Uber Rating


A lot of people ask me if I’ve ever dated anyone that I interviewed for Shabbatness. Questioning hundreds of eligible bachelors is certainly a good opportunity to meet someone. However, I really try to keep my personal and professional lives separate. Except for this one time…

At the beginning of last year, I interviewed a funny, successful, incredibly special guy who was literally a Conan O’Brien clone (y’all know I have a weakness for gingers), inside and out. I couldn’t stop thinking about him after our interview, and I texted him the next day. Quickly, I realized this guy checked ALL my boxes, from his love of travel and his awareness of current events, to his ability to relentlessly out-pun me in a battle of the wits.

For some reason, as badly as I wished it, I just did not want to jump his bones, no matter how much fun we were having on the wonderful dates he had planned. For our third date, he took me to Barclays to see none other than my favorite childhood musical group: Boys II Men! As we jumped into an Uber after the concert, he reached over to grab my face. After about ten seconds of tongue, I blurted out, “I can’t hurt my Uber rating – it’s almost a 4.9!”  Even if we had been in a Lyft, Gett, Via, or Juno, I know I’d have come up with something to cut the make-out sesh short.  Sadly, that night marked the “End of the Road” for us. After a third date, you should NOT want to end your date by 10 pm, even if you have to get up for work especially early the next day.

The Checkbox Syndrome is one of the worst epidemics plaguing the dating world today. Meeting someone can quickly enter interview territory as you find yourself ticking off the following boxes: “Gainfully employed? Good family? Wants kids?” Of course, in getting to this face-to-face point, this person has probably already checked certain boxes you’ve set, such as: “Jewish? Is he over 5’9”? Is she between 26 and 30?” After meeting, if he or she checks all these boxes, as simplistic as some may sound, we forget to ask ourselves a simple question: “Do I want to bone this person?”

Too many times, we just want to find the “right” person, whether it’s the one who fits the description of exactly whom your Bubbe wants you to be with, or the one you think just looks so damn “good on paper”.  While “It’s so Hard to Say Goodbye” to someone who seems to have everything you’re looking for, if you don’t want to rip his or her clothes off after a couple of dates, don’t drag it on. Forget about asking yourself if you’d sacrifice your Uber rating for some back-seat booty with your date. If you’re even thinking of asking this question, you’ve already gotten your answer.

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